you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
