I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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