You're my little dorito
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
