you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
