Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
