I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
