theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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