dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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