Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
