remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
