What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize