she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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