I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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