I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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