just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
