I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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