peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
