she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
