You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
so much tequila, so little girl.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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