we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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