my phone needs a breathalizer
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
