i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
