just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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