I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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