Umm I'm too high to move.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
