i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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