I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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