worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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