So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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