Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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