my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
