Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
