I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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