my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
