Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
