drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
