If that was your dad, he is hot
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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