Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
