The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
