Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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