xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
