she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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