no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Did you just see the Batmobile???
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
