Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize