Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
