I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
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