i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
