Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
