Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
