I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
