I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
