I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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