And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
