The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
