I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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