so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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