Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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