I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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