Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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