well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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