I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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