ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
