Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
