My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
