the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
