I hate your face
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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