I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
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Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
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This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I forget how to act sober
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