I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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