this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
