His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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