i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
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Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
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Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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