Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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