After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
When did angry sex become our thing?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
